Faking it – Coconut flour biscuits

By now, most of you know that I am in the midst of a quest to convince myself that grains are gross because they make me feel gross. This is only half-true, since all carbs are delicious, but regardless of how tasty they are I’ve noticed that eating grains (as well as processed foods) leaves me wishing I hadn’t. In addition to just a general sense of malaise, my muscles ache, my skin gets irritated, and my head is filled with a thick fog.

The problem is, sometimes I just want to eat a damn pretzel. Or a piece of toast. Or a biscuit.

The first two I haven’t figured out yet, but last week I think I came as close as a human can to perfecting a grain-free biscuit. I had made previous attempts with almond flour (which is my go-to flour alternative for sweeter baked goods), but those biscuits came out dense, chewy, and flat. I took to the internet and found that most people seem to use coconut flour for baking breads. This seemed odd to me at first because I would more quickly associate almonds with savory than coconut.

Not one to shy away from culinary experimentation, I picked up a bag of coconut flour and got down to business. Since the internet also insists that different brands produce different results, for this recipe I used Bob’s Red Mill Organic. Not because I have any allegiance to it, but rather because it was the only coconut flour available at the store I went to. I used this recipe as a starting point, and really only changed the flavor-related ingredients while retaining her structure.

The result was a fluffy, just slightly cheesy, perfectly puffed-up biscuit. It was a little drier than I would have hoped, but only slightly, and I think that wouldn’t be an issue at all if I were using these to mop up chili or smothering them with gravy (two applications that I very much intend to test).

If you have a gluten sensitivity, make sure that you’re using a baking powder that’s clearly marked as gluten free. While you probably already know this, I figured it’s still worth mentioning that most brands use corn or potato starch (both totally cool) but some also use wheat starch (full of gluten). If you don’t eat dairy, you should be able to replace the butter with ghee or another oil, but I don’t think there’s much you can do about the cheese. Except maybe let a little cheese back into your life.

Parsley-Parmesan Coconut Flour Biscuits

Ingredients

• 1/3 cup coconut flour
• 1/4 tsp. salt
• 1/2 tsp. baking powder
• 1/2 tsp. garlic & herb seasoning (my favorite is McCormick)
• 1/2 tsp. onion powder
• 1/4 cup melted butter
• 4 eggs, beaten
• 1 handful chopped fresh parsley
• 1/2 cup shredded Parmesan

Directions

• Preheat oven to 400 and line a baking sheet with parchment paper
• Mix together all the dry ingredients in a large bowl. I prefer to use a glass bowl so that dough is easier to mix.
• Add in the cheese and chopped parsley, stirring to evenly distribute
• Stir in melted butter, then eggs
• Mix well until there are no lumps and a dough forms. This requires a bit more mixing than regular flour would.
• Drop by the spoonful onto the parchment-lined sheet. Leave a little space for the biscuits to expand.
• Bake for 15 minutes

The original recipe said this would make ten biscuits, but I only ended up with nine. This is quite likely due to the fact that I made larger biscuits than the recipe intended, though the cooking time remained the same. The biscuits came out of the oven smelling amazing, with golden brown bottoms and pillowy tops. Unlike some of my previous biscuit attempts, they taste just as great as they smell.